2015-05-19 Aus Von christiankohl

The random play feature of my Media Monkey app has produced some very nice combinations so far. In fact, some of them are so perfect that I think an AI has developed in this very phone. You are not convinced? Here’s three examples that proof that IT has passed the turing test.

1. Play „Student Wankers“ (Peter and the Test Tube Babies) followed immediately by „Fick Die Uni“ (Antilopen Gang).

2. Play „Say no go (Say no dope)“ (De La Soul) followed immediately by „So High“ and „Khalifa Krush“ (Wiz Khalifa).

3. Whilst driving into the sunrise really early in the morning in Kakadu National Park play „The Light is coming in“ (Favez).

I think that is sufficient. The singularity is here on my bloody mobile phone.

Some other observations. When I came to Australia for the first time fifteen years ago (for University) the general tendency was extremely homophobic, lots of ‚male angst‘ which led to extraordinary macho behavior to (over)compensate for the tons of insecurities the Australian male is suffering from. I’m pleased to see that has changed quite a bit. These days, there are open displays of homosexuality even in rural areas. Mostly quite blunt, but that is the Australian style anyway. So there are ‚Barra bars‘ or ‚catch a barra‘ events everywhere, in public! Amazing, that is even more open than Berlin Schöneberg.

Some explanations for the non-initiated outsider to Australian slang:

1. ‚Barra‘ is short (sic) for Barramundi and means ‚penis‘. (In true Aussie fashion the government has set the minimum size of Australian Barramundi to 55cm. That’s what I call a landmark decision. And no wonder Ian Thorpe felt so uncomfortable in his budgie suit. 😁) So you don’t need a very vivid imagination to conjure up images in your mind of what is going on at one of those ‚Catch a barta‘ events … .

2. Not all hope is lost for the heterosexual however. There is a place called ‚Barramundi Gorge‘ and knowing that ‚gorge‘ is a common euphemism for, ahem, ‚cunt‘, it’s no secret what’s going on there. Also, many Australian females will tell you quite enthusiastically how much they love the taste of Barramundi.

3. Some more terms to adequately capture this semantic field. The beloved former convicts call the place Taste the butt cheeks, German ‚Arschritze‘, a ‚Creek‘. There’s a ‚Salty Creek‘ and a ‚Sandy Creek‘. Again, unlike Cockney, straight and to the point (no pun intended), not much room for ambiguity here.

With that I’m closing my observations for today and wish a happy ‚Barra competition‘ to the male part of the audience.

P.s.: 4. Don’t ask what a Barra Burger is – that’s when things get really disgusting.