Dear reader, I don’t know whether you remember my post from a few years back, when we encountered the tree masturbating hippie women?
Anyway, we’ve had an even more interesting encounter two days ago while hiking in the beautiful Puketi forest. We came to a huge clearing and there was a herd of bulls and the secret of one of the greatest commercial successes of all times was revealed to me. You probably all think that the big economic factors for NZ are dairy and tourism? Yes, they are important, but the biggest moneymaker is something else, something that’s kept very secret. They even sank a ship in the 80s and blamed it on the French too keep the secret, so this post is not without its dangers, but I feel compelled to report the truth. So back to this fairytale glade in the magical forest, but without the fairies, just bulls. I’ll try to be as blunt and short as possible. It is well known that some people believe that powder from bull horns is an aphrodisiac. What is less spoken about is bull sperm. It’s a bit like some of these Internet memes, everybody has heard about „it“, but of course nobody has watched two girls one cup etc. It’s the same withwhen So once at month, when the bull sperm, everybody knows that it’s the equivalent of a ton of viagra, but nobody is bathing in it. Yeah right. I’m going to be honest: when I was a kid there was this giant demon bull terrorizing our village, killing people and nobody dared oppose him. Until one day I faced it, wrestled it to the ground and choked it two death. In its final death throes it had this huge ejaculation and I was completely covered in bull sperm. Like Siegfried, but better looking. And ever since then, chabos wissen wer der Babo ist.
So, anyway, we saw this herd of bulls, a special breed without horns, so all the viagra power remains in the sperm. And once a month, when the moon is full, the kiwi farmers come to milk these bulls. They collect the sperm, add some freshly cut mistletoes, leave it to ripen for another week and then bottle the stuff and sell it for a fortune on the Asian market. Big money. So, there’s another secret of kiwi success exposed for you, dear reader.
Puketi forest is really beautiful btw, all those strong Kauri trees. I bet they’re so strong because sometimes the bullls can’t wait and secretly masturbate amongst the trees… Happy new year!