Lick my buttthole

2019-03-02 Aus Von christiankohl

I’m really a very creative guy and being in Australia brings out the best in me. Dunno why, but that’s just the way it is. And my creativity has always been oppressed, first by my parents, now by the Reisebegleitung. But I will not give up! Never.

So, I’ve had this brilliant idea and will probably launch a company and become rich as fuck in the process. You can still buy into this at an early stage, so don’t miss your chance of a lifetime. Und das geht so:

There’s lots of ice cream around, lots of flavors, brands, etc. But I have a revolutionary new concept, which will appeal to many population groups, especially in Berlin. You all know these rather disgusting ice cream sandwiches available from supermarkets etc? In Germany, the biggest brand is Fürst Pückler. My idea is similar, but much better. First of all, only high quality ice cream, only the best. Cost/Price don’t matter. The format will be sandwich like, but(t) not perfectly round, more like two intertwined zeros. And with a hole in the middle. And it will be called ‚Butthole Ice Cream‘! ☺ Have you licked a butthole today? The possibilities are endless in terms of marketing as I’m sure you can see yourself already. There might even be a jab at Fürst Pückler with a Steve Austin style ‚pucker up‘ campaign. 😁 At fairs, food festivals, concerts etc we could have stands with a cut out arse where you could stick your tongue in and lick some ice cream. And get very instahragrammable photos, which apparently is important for these useless millennial motherfuckers. The launch would be celebrated at a huge televised concert, where I can step on the stage in front of 80k people on Bondi Beach at shout: „Australia, are you ready to lick my buttthole?!“
Flavor wise we would definitely have Flavor Flav as one of the faces of the campaign, introducing the varieties. There’s definitely chocolate, no brainer of course. Salted caramel as well. Creamy vanilla for the more adventurous. 😁 And each summer a new, limited edition specialty. Like a Blueberry Lavender stick that fits through the hole. 🤣 Or Blackberry as a ‚burned bin special edition‘. Maybe we can also have a limited batch of toy hamsters bundled with the ice cream. Send us your stupid pictures and win something useless, you InstagramHashtagFacebookWhatever wankers.

So, who’s in? Are YOU ready to lick my buttthole?