Et tu, la Suisse?

I hate backstabbing. Especially when it comes out of the blue. I’ve often praised Switzerland that while it’s super expensive, you always get great quality or service and it’s worth it. Turns out that’s no longer true.

It all started as expected – our flight to ZRH was 25mins delayed out of Berlin. Business as usual for the capital of the losers. We still landed with only a slight delay in Zurich and would have easily made our connecting train, were it not for the fact that Switzerland had decided to follow Germany’s example. We got to the baggage carousel and the sign said: 17mins. Wtf? Wtf? That’s not what we expect from you, ZRH. Anyway, checked the SBB app, train was shown as being on time. Our baggage arrived two minutes before departure time and the next train was one hour later. So walked to the train station and as we get to the platform, our train is still there! It was five minutes delayed, as we approach the entry, the doors close and it leaves before our eyes. Fuck you. Fuck you SBB app for not showing the delay – we would have run and easily caught it. Fuck you.

Well, we used the time to have a decent lunch, found a good clean salad and the hit the Sprüngli store for dessert. Ominously, we found the third sign of decay here – no take away drinks possible, so not hot chocolate to go for us.

Back to the train station, hop on the train, right after leaving Zurich main station they tell us that we’re being rerouted and will arrive 9mins late in Bern. Which would give us 30sec to change trains, which should be doable since the connection is leaving opposite on the same platform.

We get to Bern 10mins late, we exit our train, take one step towards the connecting train, and, yes, it closes its doors and fucks off. Fuck you.

Next wait cycle. Hope on another train and get to Visp at 9.30pm. Seriously pissed off by now. Train to St Niklaus is still not running because of the flood damage, but there’s a replacement bus in one and a half hours. Wtf. Anyway. After a few minutes we learn that the train replacement bus does not really replace the train, it does not stop at St Niklaus. Fuck you. No other bus connection. No taxis. Wait, one taxi dropping off passengers, Katleen hijacks it. 80 CHF later we finally arrive in St Niklaus.

All’s well that ends well? Fuck no. Hotel „Heimatlodge“ is one of these automated check in fuck you cunt shit places. I enter my reservation details into the terminal and – nothing. Does not recognize the booking. There’s a phone number if things go wrong, call it multiple times, no one answers, leave a message, to this day no reply. Leave several increasingly grumpy messages later that night. 😂

Call our friend who’d arrived earlier, we all pile into his room and share the bed. I get the middle, which means the space between the two mattresses, caught in the crack. Don’t get any sleep, everything hurts. Breakfast buffet next morning is mostly cheap sugar convenience shit, didn’t expect much anyway. Breakfast is for losers. Hotel staff woman hovering around is not surprised when we tell her that check in failed and noone answered the phone, seems to be happen all the time. Fantastic. Graciously agrees that we don’t have to pay for the second room we didn’t use. Up yours. We later met four Swiss folks on the mountain who had the same thing happen to them in a hotel in Visp the night before, they slept in the staircase / entry area. What a shithole.

What’s up, Switzerland? What kind of virus have you caught? Is German rot and decay finally seeping across the border? Get your act together, please.

Stay away from shit hotel Heimatlodge in St Niklaus! It’s a shithole rip off place. I hope your pipes burst and your building is flooded in excrements.